Sunday Mornings

I didn’t always like Sundays when I was a child.  When I was in grade school, my family attended church every Sunday morning at 10:30.  It was a ritual I was expected to perform without question and without choice.  As a result, instead of feeling peaceful and blessed, I remember just feeling anxious, exhausted, and bored.  Even though I had visions of angels, I didn’t feel connected to religion.  Though I didn’t understand it at the time, somewhere in my heart, I was developing my own faith, my own belief system.  Now, that I am older and feel free to express my personal feelings and thoughts, I have become more spiritual, loving, and faithful.  Even though I am not a churchgoer, I love Sundays now! I look forward to Sunday mornings all week.  I enjoy the simplicity and laziness of a beautiful Sunday morning.  To me, there is just something so peaceful and enjoyable about Sundays.

I don’t want to rush around on Sunday mornings.  I don’t want to feel stress or anxiety.  I usually spend Sunday mornings studying, reading, writing, and contemplating life while indulging in a large cup of black coffee.  So, on this Sunday morning, May 3, 2015, I woke up around 7:30, got dressed, and drove to a small café for coffee.  I sat in a small booth in the restaurant and unpacked the three books I had brought with me that day.  Several years ago, a teacher told me to always carry around three books: one for study, one for entertainment, and one for prayer or spiritual awakening.  Everywhere I go now, I travel with a bag of books.  Since this was Sunday morning, I decided to concentrate on the spiritual awakening.  I opened up my book by Brian Weiss and took out my notebook.  I usually take notes on everything I read unless I’m reading for entertainment.  I found myself completely relaxing now as I opened up my notebook, picked up my pen, and began to write down information on the immortality of the soul.  I breathed a heavy sigh as I felt my body relaxing.

Suddenly, I found myself jumping when I heard a loud voice shout, “What the f**k did that mean?”

I shivered and cringed for a moment as the strong male voice continued to shout.  “Man, that was the strangest s**t I ever did see,” the man hollered.

Loud, unfamiliar voices make me uncomfortable. I remember my father’s loud, stern voice and the anger his words would conveyed.  I get nervous around loud noises, especially when I am out on my own.  There have been so many news stories of people being horribly violent in public places.  I worry that someone will strike out at me for some reason and I have no protection.  As the man continued to shout, my first thought was, “I need to leave.”  I put down my pen, closed my notebook, and grabbed my bag…

…But suddenly I stopped moving.  I sat silently for a moment.  Instead of yelling now, the man was laughing; the sound echoed around the room, bouncing off the walls.  His laughter wasn’t cruel, maniacal, or hateful.  His full, loud laughter instead was joyful, happy, and hearty…and it made me smile.

I glanced up, and straight in front of me, sitting at a table, was a group of four young men and one young woman.  The man who had been yelling was dressed in a stained, torn tank top and khaki shorts.  His long, curly, dark hair was pulled back under a blue folded bandana.  His companions were dressed in a similar fashion.  All five of the people sitting at the table looked like they had been lost in the desert for a few days.  And yet there was something still so fresh and beautiful about them.  They were dusty not dirty.  They were loud but not angry.  They were cussing but not offensive.

The people were a strong contradiction to my day.  My quiet Sunday morning had been interrupted and yet it still felt peaceful.  I was reading about the immortality of the soul and watching people express their true spirits right in front of me.  I am alone and yet felt connected to the people around me.  As the group sitting across from me yelped and hollered and laughed, my day seemed to be more loving, serene, and calm.  I loved their energy.  I loved their spirit.  I loved the way they playfully teased and laughed with each other. The five people seemed to remind me that even though I am an older woman, I am, every day, growing younger.

After about another half hour, the five young people left the café and I returned to my book.  I couldn’t concentrate now though.  I felt pumped up, energized, and ready to get on with my day.  I didn’t want to sit in quiet contemplation today.  I wanted to laugh.  I wanted to scream out.  I wanted to be heard.  I felt so blessed to see people so alive and joyful today.  What more could I have possibly prayed for?  My peaceful Sunday morning had been suspended, and yet I have never felt so close to God.  Sundays don’t have to be quiet, but they can always be blissful.

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Travelers

I had actually been happy while driving home from work around 10:30 last Thursday night.  I was planning to leave very early the next morning to spend three days in Las Vegas.  I was really excited about the trip and looked forward to visiting a friend I haven’t seen in a few months.   I was about four miles from home when I suddenly remembered something.  Dang!  I had forgotten to put gas in my car that afternoon.  Whenever I have a trip planned, I like to fill my tank the day before.  Then I can leave on my trip very early in the morning without having to make an extra stop.

I was really frustrated with myself now.  How could I have forgotten to get gas?  In between classes that Thursday afternoon, I had run around town getting ready for my trip.  I got my haircut and ran to the bank.  I stopped at the 99 Cent store and grabbed some snacks to take with me to Vegas.  I was already for my weekend getaway…

…and I forgot to get gas for the car! How could I have forgotten this one important errand?  How could I be so stupid?!  I continued to angrily cuss at myself as I drove home.

I didn’t want to stop for gas that night.  It sounds silly I know, but I didn’t like to stop anywhere this late at night.  I was exhausted and I don’t trust too many people after 9 pm.  I would just have to wait to go to the gas station on my way out of town in the morning.  I was still really frustrated with myself even after I arrived home and settled in for the night.

On Friday, I woke up around 5:30 am and quickly got dressed.  I locked up my apartment and climbed into my car.  Dang!  I had to stop and get gas!  I drove down Washington Street but instead of turning left onto the highway, I turned right onto Varner Road.  Then I made an immediate left turn into the Chevron gas station and pulled my car up to a gas pump.  As I stopped the car and opened up my door, I noticed a tall, slender, 20-something-year-old woman standing beside the pump.  The woman was dressed in jeans, a black turtleneck, and a zippered gray sweater.  Cuddled in the woman’s arms was a large, orange cat.  I smiled curiously at her as I got out of the car.

“Excuse me,” the woman suddenly said, “but can you please help me?  I don’t have any money.  Do you have a few dollars I can please have to get some gas?”

I looked at the woman for a moment and then gave my standard reply when people approach me for money.  “I’m sorry,” I told her, “but I don’t have any cash on me.  I’m paying for my gas on my credit card and I don’t like to charge a lot…”  My voice slowly trailed off as I felt slightly overwhelmed.  Why was I telling her all of these things?  Why was I rambling on to this woman?

But the woman just smiled, stroked the beautiful, fluffy cat, and said, “Yeah, well, that’s okay.  Thank you anyway.”  I just nodded as I moved over to the gas pump and stuck my credit card in the slot.  As I stood there pumping the gas, I kept hearing a strange voice in my head.  “Help her,” the voice demanded.  “Don’t turn her away.  She needs your help.”  I shook my head to clear the voice but it wouldn’t go away.  “Help her!” the voice continued to demand.  A chill suddenly rushed through me as I tried to ignore the voice.  I kept getting the inclination that I needed to help this young woman.  I couldn’t shake the feeling way.

I finished filling my tank and hung the nuzzle back on the pump.  I put the cap back on my tank and then turned around.  The young woman was gone.  I looked around for a moment and then walked around the pump.  I noticed that the woman was now sitting in her car cuddling the cat.  I walked around the front of her car as she opened her door.

“Listen,” I said as she stepped out of the car and stood in front of me.  “I just can’t stand the thought of driving away and leaving you sitting here.  I can’t spare a lot, but I would be happy to help you.  I can put a few dollars on my credit card for you.”

“Oh, thank you,” the woman responded.  “I don’t need much.  I just need enough gas to get to the next exit.”  We walked around to the other side of the woman’s car.  As she opened up her gas tank, I ran my card through the slot on the pump to make the purchase.  The woman picked up the nozzle and placed it in the tank.  Slowly the gas began to drizzle into her car.  She smiled at me and stopped the pump at $2.50.  I was surprised.  “Are you sure that’s all you need?  Don’t you need a little bit more?”

“No,” she answered.  “This is plenty.  As long as I have enough to get to the next exit, I’ll be fine.  Thank you so much for your help.”

“That’s okay,” I answered.  “Just be safe.”

The woman and I then got into our cars.  I started my engine and then waited as the young woman waved to me and drove off.  I followed after her a few minutes later.  I drove down Varner Road and then turned onto the highway, finally on my way to Vegas.  As I drove along, my eyes kept sliding over to the side of the road.  I was watching for the young woman with the cat.  She had taken so little from me, I was afraid that I would find her stranded somewhere along the highway.  I watched for her, hoping she got to her exit okay….

…and that’s when I suddenly realized what happened!  Oh my gosh…that was why I “forgot” to get gas yesterday.  I was meant to be at that gas station this morning to help that young woman.  I tell myself that it was no big deal.  Someone eventually would have come along to help her.  But, just as I heard the voice telling me to help the young woman, there is knowingness within me that says that I was supposed to be at the gas station on this day at that time.  That’s why I didn’t get the gas yesterday.  This was no coincidence.  Everything really does happen for a reason, exactly the way it is meant to be.

Even though I don’t know what the ultimate plan is yet, I know there definitely is one.  The good and stupid things I do are all part of God’s great plan.  Why stress when everything is already set in motion?  I continued to drive down the highway then, happily singing along with the song on the radio.  I didn’t see the young woman again.  She must have made it safely to her destination….wherever that may be…I was just happy that God trusted me to be a part of her journey.